Here’s How to Avoid Making Common Dating App Pitfalls
Swipe, match, chat – repeat. If this sounds like your dating app experience, you’re not alone. According to a study done by Pew Research, 46% of online daters say their experiences on dating apps have been at least somewhat negative. And yet, dating apps have become one of the top ways people meet romantic partners today.
So why do so many of us feel stuck in a cycle of getting nowhere on our dating apps? Most often, it’s because of common mistakes that can easily be avoided. The good news? You can transform your dating app experience. Let’s break down the most common dating app pitfalls and how to avoid them so you can start enjoying the experience and make meaningful connections.
Mistake #1: Treating It Like a Numbers Game
It’s easy to get caught up in the habit of swiping right on everyone, hoping for more matches. Some may even call it “suicide swiping,” but this strategy leads to shallow connections, frustrating conversations, and a lot of wasted time.
Why it doesn’t work: Dating apps should be about quality over quantity if you want to find your match. Men swipe right on about 60% of profiles, yet their match rate is only 0.6%, compared to women, who swipe right just 5% of the time but match 10% of the time. This shows that if you’re swiping mindlessly, it won’t lead to meaningful connections and will only leave you with surface-level interactions that typically go nowhere.
How to be more intentional: Instead of treating dating apps like a game, be mindful about who you engage with. Take time to read people’s profiles, look for shared interests, and send a message that sparks real conversation. Something like this:
“I noticed you love hiking. What’s the best trail you’ve done?”
This allows the other person to feel as if you thoroughly reviewed their profile and paid attention to what they wrote. It also shows that you’re interested in the same things, and they’re not just another swipe.
Mistake #2: Having a Boring or Generic Profile:
Your profile is your first impression; it’s the catalyst for a person wanting to swipe right or left. Don’t waste it on clichés like “I love to travel” or “I enjoy good food.” While these things may be true, they don’t make you stand out. Don’t be afraid to be your authentic self.
Make Your Bio More Engaging
Instead of generic statements, showcase your personality with some humor and more details.
Boring: “I like to travel, play with my dog, and hang with friends.”
Better: “Looking for someone who can match my energy, keep up with my spontaneous plans, and isn’t afraid to embarrass themselves at karaoke. Bonus points if our dogs can have a play date.”
The second version enhances the first by showing more of your personality and what you genuinely like to do. It invites conversation, adds humor, and makes it easier for someone to respond.
Pick The Right Photos
Let’s be real: photos are the first thing anyone sees on a dating profile. The photos will determine if they even stick around to read the rest, so you better keep them eye-catching.
Tips:
- Show your personality: Use photos that reflect your lifestyle, whether that’s hiking, playing an instrument, or hitting the gym.
- Avoid blurry or group pics: No one likes to guess which one you are in a group picture, and no one likes blurry photos where they can’t make anything out.
- Mix it up: Throw in some selfies, action shots, or casual candids.
Mistake #3: Moving Too Fast (or Too Slow)
Timing is everything in online dating. If you rush into things, you might scare people off. If you wait too long, the connection could fade.
Why Finding the Right Pace Matters
Finding the right pace is crucial to keep the excitement alive. Some people tend to lose interest when a conversation drags on without progress, and others just get turned off when they feel pressured too soon. You have to find the right balance to keep it exciting.
Good: Messaging for a few days before suggesting a date.
Bad: Asking for their number right away or to meet up immediately.
How To Transition Smoothly from Chat to Date
Once you’ve established a good flow in the conversation, suggest meeting in person with a low-pressure invite.
For example, you could say, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you on here, would you be down to grab a coffee with me this weekend?”
This is a low-pressure way to suggest a date because you’re not asking them on a full dinner date, and you’ve already established a good connection through conversation on the app.
Mistake #4: Ignoring Red Flags
It’s easy to overlook warning signs when you’re excited about someone new, but remember, you are in control. Trusting your instincts is crucial in online dating. If something feels off, unmatch and move on. Your safety and peace of mind come first.
Common Red Flags to Watch For
- Vague or inconsistent messages: This might not be a good sign if someone dodges your messages or gives you inconsistent attention.
- Reluctant to meet up: If they keep making excuses not to meet, they might not be who they claim to be.
- Love bombing: If someone professes their love within a few days, it’s time to bounce.
Safety Reminder:
- Always meet in public places.
- Tell a friend your date plans.
- Trust your gut – If something feels off, unmatch and move on. Your safety and peace of mind come first.
Mistake #5: Sticking to Endless Texting
Texting back and forth for too long without making plans can do several things. It can either cause the connection to lose momentum or create a false reality of that person in your mind. People fail to realize that not everyone acts the way they do online.
How to Avoid Building a False Reality
If you’ve been texting for over a week without making plans to meet, bridging the gap between digital interactions and real-life encounters is crucial.
Send this: “It has been great getting to know you. Should we continue this conversation over drinks?”
Continuing to text without setting a meet-up can further solidify a potentially inaccurate perception of this person. This just leads to being let down in the end if they don’t match their online persona. Rip off the bandage as soon as possible.
Mistake #6: Dismissing Profiles Too Quickly
Many users swipe left too quickly without thoroughly reading the person’s profile or giving them a fair chance based on one photo.
Give Them a Chance:
Take some time to look through all their pictures. We all know that attraction is an important component of a relationship, but if you’re not feeling it after looking at all their photos, that is also fair game. However, you might be missing out if you just dismiss them because of one minor detail. They might have your interests or even do the same hobbies. Take a moment to read their profile thoroughly.
Mistake #7: Not Being Clear About Intentions
Be upfront with what you are looking for. Don’t hide behind the, “Well, let’s just see where this goes.” This phrase is often used to make the other person stick around, serving one’s own interests without clear intentions. This leaves the other person in limbo, clinging on to false hope. Tell them what you want and ensure you both are on the same page before wasting each other’s time.
How To Communicate Your Intentions Clearly
Be honest in your bio, “I am looking for a life partner that I can share my life with” or “Looking to have a bit of fun, nothing too serious.” This will eliminate any confusion or mixed signals. You could also send a message like, “Hey, how’s it going? I’m looking to meet new friends in the area. What about you? What are you looking for?”
Mistake #8: Focusing Too Much on Physical Attraction
This can relate to #6, but sometimes, we miss out on what could have been a great potential match due to their photos. Remember, it’s not about a numbers game. It’s about finding quality people. As mentioned in #6, physical attraction is undoubtedly important. Still, sometimes, we fail to realize that people look way different in person than in their photos, and I am not talking about catfishes, more so the other way around. They might end up surprising you. Research on Psychology Today highlighted that confident body language and tone of voice made others more attractive. So maybe give those who you typically wouldn’t go for a chance.
How to Balance Attraction with Other Qualities:
Make it a point to recognize other aspects, such as interests, careers, and values. Look for clues in their profile that could suggest a deeper compatibility. If they don’t have much on their profile, then a simple conversation can also do the trick.
Mistake #9: Not Updating Your Profile Regularly
As mentioned, not updating your profile regularly can cause others to swipe left on you. If your photos show you have brown hair, but now you have pink hair, you might want to update them accordingly. Keeping your profile updated ensures that matches get an accurate sense of who you are now.
How to Keep Your Profile Fresh
Every few weeks or so, refresh your bio or photos to reflect any new hobbies or activities you’ve been enjoying. For example, if you recently ran a marathon or went hiking, upload those photos!
Mistake #10: Getting Discouraged Too Easily
It’s easy to feel discouraged if things don’t move as quickly as you’d like, if you’re not getting several matches, or if you’ve faced several rejections or non-responses. However, persistence and patience are key. As the famous saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Swipe fatigue is real, so take some breaks and check back on it when you feel ready, keep updating your profile, and just be yourself.
Consider that most people match with only 3-5% of the profiles they swipe on. Rejection is normal.
How To Keep Motivated
Keep a positive mindset, and remember that each interaction is a step towards finding the right match. If you bring that negativity into your conversations, other people will feel it and may want to turn away. Don’t take rejection personally; it is all part of the process. Remember that these people don’t know you; they’re just basing it off a few photos and words.
Dating Apps Should Be Fun
Although many people express frustration and exhaustion from dating apps, countless success stories prove they can lead to meaningful relationships. Take Simone Biles, for example– she met her husband, NFL player Jonathan Owens, on a dating app in 2020. Their connection blossomed, leading to their marriage in April 2023. This could be your fairytale ending, too. You can stand out in the crowd by recognizing and avoiding common mistakes. Stay intentional, trust your instincts, and, most importantly, enjoy the journey. Dating should be fun. Embrace the experience without overthinking it, and meaningful connections will follow.
